-=| I'm going to go into severe depression if it goes on like this!!! |=-
Hmm ok... today was my first sabbath in s'pore since i came back... i realised tat many stuff has changed since i've been away 4 a month... aniwayz i shall sart by writing my day...
Today was kinda a crazy day 4 me... in the morning i was juz criticsed by Aunty Pik yee... she was saying abt how we should not be of the world n be in the world.... she mentioned abt people who r out there who dye their hair n many many stuff r of the world n we should be different... n she added saying "i'm not toking abt u Joel..." I was feeling WAD DE @#$%^&*... i juz feel kinda sad... Yes i had extensions b4... n wadz wrong wif it?? it juz gives people a impression tat im a bengbeng or sumthin.... which im not... n i didn't do my extension bcoze i wanna be bengbeng... Maybe im a metrosexual...Do u guyz realise im alwayz changing my hair style?? im juz trying them out...n i juz wanna try out the extensions.... but in the end i realised tat it didn't suit me... i noe i dun usually take criticism to my heart... but it's juz tat this time i dun feel comfortable wif wad she said...
Then it was Jun jie's babtism... though i dunno much abt him.... i've toked wif him.... n wad he said on stage this morning is inspiring... i feel tat it's kinda different... i guess it's the spirit of God working in him... n it reminded me of my babtism.... i'm not really sure of when am i babtising.... as getting babtise means i've gotta be a example of christ n everything.... which is a challenge 4 me...
After tat i rushed to meet up wif my cousins.... i've not seen them in ages(1month++)... well Sylvia who usually dress in pants n t-shirt was wearing a shirt n a mini skirt.... i was like*mouth opened*.... at first i tod she was a stranger.... aniwayz we ate our lunch at Northpoint food court... i was really hyper.... juz cracking lame jokes n laughing at them....
Later they came over to my house to chill out n wait 4 my sis... n we went to Bugis to take neoprints after tat.... we were posing here n there... n some shorts were too quick n i was in a weird position... i realised tat i have tat "aqua"(gayily) posture.... hmmm im actually wondering to myself... y am i like tat.... izzit bcoze the cam was too fast?? or izzit bcoze tat how i move??... well everything juz comes in very normally n naturally.... hmmm y am i walking n moving this way??? i oso dunno.... haiz wadz goin on man???? *scratch head*
Then we went to Sylvia house to eat dinner n have lotsa fun..... well i like going to family gatherings.... bcoze they won't dispise me... n back stab me... n tok bad abt me.... it's juz so different from the outside world..... my mum alwayz tell me...."dun trust anyone... for they can be ur closes enemy"... The world is getting so bad till everyone is juz aimming 4 the highest... n lotsa 2 headed snakes n snobs will appear.....
Haiz... n i feel so sad everytime i look at the army leaflet.... it's juz so stressful to think i've gotta serve the army 4 2 horrifying long years of my life... where i can spend tat 2 years on sum where better.... wif 2 years i can finish my uni... wif 2 years 1 can work.... wif 2 years i can do lotsa stuff.... y should i give it to the gov....... aniwayz when persecution come we've gotta move to the country.... n wheres the country??? it's not s'pore.... sumwhere desserted away from the city.... so y serve in s'pore when i've gotta leave it..... damn it man!!
N theres this crappy cousin of mine.... she should noe who she is.... she is alwayz crapping on the msn like a unclosable chatterbox.... n she is very irritatble easily..... n now my mum doesn't want me to use the pc bcoze my parrents feel tat im toking wif her all the time.... n i'm wasting my time...... well i feel tat when i started blogging n reading other people's blogs.... my english teacher got interested in my compositions.... i've got no idea y.... but i feel tat i'm giving her a good impression..... there was actually a point of time when i feel tat this teacher shows favouritism n is unfair..... but now i feel tat if i can make the teacher be interested in my writings... she will be alwayz looking 4ward to my compoz......
I feel tat it's either i've changed or the people around me has changed.... my mum is now demanding more from me.... she is alwayz picking on me.... n she juz claim tat everythings my fault.... onli until i list everything out properly n proof tat it's not my fault.... she is speechless.... i feel tat it's a drag.... living everyday being blamed n pushed around explaining to her wadz goin on......
She has been saying tat i've got a bad attitude... n im rude to people...... but i've got a feeling tat she is the one who influenced me into such stuff.... she is facing lotsa stress wif her job n the church, bcoze the adventist home is run by the Thomson church.... n theres lotsa problems goin on.... she is a very straight forward, very fair n very geigao.... she treats everyone the same.... n she juz speak her mind off.... some times i do...n it's sumthimes kinda rude... some of my friendz say im very geigao... but im juz being fair.... sumone lendz me 10cents i'll return it to them no matter how...unless it's a treat.... She is alwayz asking me to do everything on my own"teaching me to be independent"...... so when she asks me to serve her... i ask her to do it herself...... n she gets angry........ wadz this world getting into!!!! it's not fair at all!!!!
Well i sound like a typical loser over here.... but tats not the point.... i feel really stressed up this momment..... n seems like the computer is the onli place where i can vend my anger on writing...... hmmm viewers dun get too worked up..... im fine........ but it's juz tat i feel like a volcano gonna errup soon...... i've been bottling stuff up.... n the bottle is gonna explode......
I keep lotsa fancy bottles as a collection...... i've got a few i got from the 1 dollar shop.... i filled it up wif straw hearts..... there was once when i was shaking a long tall sealed up bottle.... shaking it up n down.....i didn't hit any hard objects while shaking it up n down... but the base of the bottle actually exploded n the bottle had a huge hole at the base of the bottle....
Wad i think actually happened is tat there were lots of hearts in the bottle..... n the plastic hearts had actually blocked the air/or the air didn't flow in time from the top of the bottle to the bottom of the bottle.... n the air at the base of the bottle was stretched..... n the air preasure caused it to break........i feel tat this is a better illustralion of how people bottle up their feelings till they go crazy......
Aniwayz wadz written above is wad i feel.... n i dun actually intend to write it here.... but aniwayz not many peepz comes here to read it...... as sum might juz think it's really crappy....n i hope tat wadz written here does not go circulating around...... Wadz read here closes here... n no where...
B!0
Name : Joel Xiang Desheng P3RS0N@L!TY
Personality : Flamboyant T@g W!SH3S 3M@!l CURR3NT M00D W3@TH3R F00T PR!NTS !N 3 S@nd R@D!0 ST@T!0NS P@ST R3CORDS L!NKS
DOB : 19th May 1988
Age : 19+
Height : 1.73++m
Weight : Abt 60kg
Zodiac : Dragon
Horroscope : Taurus
Fav Sports : Breathing exercises on the bed every night(snore)
Fav colour : Blue, silver, black
Fav things : Vintage looking stuff...
Hates : People who commands me to do anything
Worst habits : Talking back, bitching...
Best Habits : Obeys house rules
How do u relax : Bitching, complaining, vibrate my ear drums with sound waves from my disc man
One thing tat no one noes abt? : i'm Sentimental...
Three words 2 describe me : Rude Noisy Freak
One liner tat i'm most proud of : Being kind to your enemy means to be cruel to yourself
Moto in life : Look 4 a goal n strife hard
