-=| The introvert me. |=-
It is already the end of the 5th week of school. Stress level is building up tremendously, be it in school, in work at home and everywhere else. I don’t know if I would be able to pull through everything, but I will try very hard. I guess that this is going to be my catch phrase soon ‘I will try very hard’, as it is frequently used by me to answer questions I cannot guarantee.
There are so many things in life you cannot guarantee, like exam results, things happening to you, the outcome of things, in summary the future. Life is just so unpredictable; maybe that is why it is so fun to survive. It is when you manage to survive, you can look back and smile at the hurdle and say that is easy peasy. It is also that when you cannot jump the hurdle and gets disqualified, you will kind of know that that is your limit. It is either you are not trying hard enough or you are just gone because you have tried your best and others are just so much better then you.
I don’t know why I am so emotional today, probably because I guess it is today that I take time off for myself to reflect into the past. Life is just so unpredictable, “Today you are in and tomorrow you are out” ‘OUT’ of this world. Once you are out, you may never enter this realm ever again, if you are lucky you can make it through again but the competition to survive is back again. Sometimes I wonder if I was suited to be in this game, brought up to “love” others(Enemies) as yourself, to give the left cheek if someone wants to slap your right, to forgive and forget… and so on… It is all just so extreme.
Competition is a pressure (Pleasure) cooker; someone has to win, and the other to lose. I guess what Serene says is true “It is either you die, or I die. However, I would rather you die.” I feel as if like I am walking the plank on a pirate ship, if I fall off I would just be food for sharks to sink their teeth into. And do not be surprised but the pirates are actually your “friends” in school.
It is great that I’ve met this “Ye Xiao” clique(Yvonne, Serene, Nicola, Youjin and I) of friends when I started to work, I guess I can add on another reason of why I never regretted working in my holidays. I never regretted working and still am because it allows me to have extra pocket money to splurge myself on, to kill some of my time (not for now), meet different customers and of course having a clique that goes out for yexiao(supper) and be siao(crazy) together. But one thing sad is that we are all going to be separated by our own work; I hope we could still meet up but I guess it wouldn’t be that frequent.
I was looking up ‘passive’ just now when I was writing and when I look at the synonyms I realize that that was the word describing me thoroughly. I guess it is sad, but I guess I am actually quite an introvert. Words like Inert, inactive, submissive, reactive, flaccid and not proactive was in that list, and I guess they do describe a lot about my introvert side of me. Sometimes I tell people that I am an introvert and many just laugh their heads off and say that I am as loud as a loudspeaker, come to think of it I guess I am just not open to the unfamiliar. I guess people like me have few friends and would have a hard time finding friends. Enough of being sad and sob-by, I am glad to have Ye Siao and all the other friends who treats me as one. I guess the Joel everyone knows is changing again; even I do not know what I am becoming. Probably I might be a monster? But I hope not...
B!0
Name : Joel Xiang Desheng P3RS0N@L!TY
Personality : Flamboyant T@g W!SH3S 3M@!l CURR3NT M00D W3@TH3R F00T PR!NTS !N 3 S@nd R@D!0 ST@T!0NS P@ST R3CORDS L!NKS
DOB : 19th May 1988
Age : 19+
Height : 1.73++m
Weight : Abt 60kg
Zodiac : Dragon
Horroscope : Taurus
Fav Sports : Breathing exercises on the bed every night(snore)
Fav colour : Blue, silver, black
Fav things : Vintage looking stuff...
Hates : People who commands me to do anything
Worst habits : Talking back, bitching...
Best Habits : Obeys house rules
How do u relax : Bitching, complaining, vibrate my ear drums with sound waves from my disc man
One thing tat no one noes abt? : i'm Sentimental...
Three words 2 describe me : Rude Noisy Freak
One liner tat i'm most proud of : Being kind to your enemy means to be cruel to yourself
Moto in life : Look 4 a goal n strife hard
